WARNING: This entry is not funny.
If life was a film the St Trinians girls would have by now tied-up and gagged the CEO of Protein World, duct-taping him to a rocket and blasting him into the Thames in a comical and cinematically exciting fashion. He would surface to the water, covered in grime, revealed to the world for the insensitive, shallow, money-making turd he is. He would probably be played by Nikolaj Coster-Waldau.
If life was a film, one-hundred (Croatian originated) Dalmations alongside an army of mongrels, Rottweilers, Chihuahuas, Grey Hounds and German Shepherds would have driven Katie Hopkins to an old delapidated farm house in the countryside. They would chase her mercilessly before pushing her and her blonde bob into a huge tub of goo and tar, tipping feathers over her, making her reminiscient of the glaring, glowing scuttling cockroach she is.
But, life, unfortunately, is not a film. I did not, in fact, spend the last 12 hours fighting Zombies in an old warehouse in Cornwall with my friends Ellen, Joe and Sam. No, I dreamt that. Now I wake up and it is a cold Wednesday morning, the news is suitably dire and the only thing mildly film-like is the laughable and disappointing narrative that Ed Milliband has sat down to an interview with Russel Brand. The only problem I have with this is that I wish both characters were re-cast - as neither are particularly worth watching.
Anyway, I digress.
Just over one week until elections take place, that major time when something exciting could happen in the UK - but no-one seems to have any excitement or hope towards the prospect that it will.
At the weekend I performed a gig to one hundred sixth formers. I asked ‘How many of you are 18yrs old?’ - 60% of them cheered enthusiastically. I then asked ‘How many of you are going to vote?!’, the cheer was far less enthusiastic and 90% quieter. This didn't surprise me. For the last month, alongside many of my friends on twitter & facebook, I have been trying to convince as many people as possible to register to vote if they haven’t already. I have been surprised by the large number of people I know who have never voted in their lives.
It seems bizarre to me to not want to vote and let your voice be heard. Especially when you think of how much traction and considerable change has happened in British politics in the last 100 years.
The UK has undergone so much change and evolution.
For example, it is less than 100 years since the last woman was sold in auction in the UK, only 48 years since the decriminalisation of homosexual acts was passed in Parliament, it was only in 1970 The Equal Pay Act was passed enforcing men and women be paid equally and Gay Marriage has only just been legalised recently in 2014. When you think of all these events the argument that I often hear that ones voice ‘Doesn’t matter’ is flawed. As it does. It really bloody does . It matters the same way a tiny automatic signature on a Change.com petition counts - as you receive the satisfaction of seeing the numbers of signers rise. Many seem to forget that if you WRITE to your MP about a problem, idea, or concern for your area, your MP HAS to write back to you! How direct an interaction is that! We must take advantage and be VOCAL!
So, if you haven’t decided to vote yet, do.
Quite simply - Why not? You can’t predict what will happen in the election this year, you can’t predict the minds and decisions of everyone in the UK on Thursday 7th. Anything could happen and something exciting can happen. Sure, you may not have ANY idea right now about who you want to vote for, but there is still a week to work it out.... See it is a fun afternoon activity! Look online. Look at your local council website. Read two opposing newspapers. Go on the party website and read their manifestos. Hell, crack open a bottle of wine whilst you do it. Those manifestos are often better read when slightly inebriated!
But Vote. Just bloody vote. In this week of horrible news and great sadness around the world we must be thankful that we can scrawl a cross on a piece of ballot paper.
And if you still don’t think your vote is enough. Do something else on top of it. Write a blog. Write a letter. Make a film. Be creative with how you vocalise your discontent. But please, just f*cking vote.