Australian Adventure - A summary and a Goodbye

March 18, 2015

 

First things first: WHY HAVE I BEEN SO SHIT AT WRITING?
 

It's 7.04 am when I start writing this. I am sitting at my parent's kitchen island, hunched over with a coffee in hand. I've been up since 5am (damn jetlag).  I couldn't stay in bed any longer, and I knew I had been putting writing this blog off for too long, so here I am, procrastination over!

 

Part of my excuse for not writing in so long is I keep three journals alongside this one - and after I fill each one of them in, I am physically too tired to write any more - my brain is sludge. I decided to put the blog to one side when I came to halfway point of the festival. I wanted to be outdoors as much as possible and away from the internet....

 

"Three journals! That's abit extreme?" .Yes, it probably is, but let me explain...

 

Journal One - A bright blue leather thing with nicotined coloured edges and coffee stains everywhere. This journal is my 2015 journal. With me everywhere, I write in it every day and it is the emotional one, with all my ideas and feelings in it. Best way to describe it : 'The cliche one'.

 

Journal Two - My 'Travel Journal' - With a picture of a kangaroo on the cover this is purely for Adelaide and is more practical - with details of locations, names, shows and everything I meet and encounter. Less feelings, but more a precise memory jogger of everything I have been up to. It's heavy now, and is a good compliment to Journal One when I haven't properly explained or described a scenario.

 

Journal Three - I was once advised by a comic when I first started comedy to write 'EVERYTHING DOWN' and I've kept this up. This is the comedy journal. Every day, for an hour, I write all my ideas down in this one. Even the stupid ones. Everything. Even if I can't think of anything. It's taken a lot of practise, but it really helps.

 

Anyways, now these are explained, let me try and tie-up loose ends and summarise the end of the festival.....

 

Second thing: Context - THE LAST NIGHT

 

On Sunday night (March 15th) it was the last night of the Adelaide Fringe. All shows were finishing and all the venues wre preparing to drink their bars dry.  The day seemed to move in slow motion. My flight was at 7am on Monday morning, I had to be at Adelaide Airport at 5am and I had no intention of going to sleep. Who wants to miss the last night of fringe party?

 

Three bottles of champagne later, several breakdancing attempts in a moon boot, a tub of glitter poured over my face and a hoard of some of the most delicious people at the Adelaide Fringe on one dance floor together, I staggered out of the Tuxedo Cat at 4am, skipped to my apartment to grab my bags, jumped in a cab and made my way to the Airport. Glitter on face, dignity 'sort-of' in tact, a neon dress I'd picked up in a thrift store and my hair a sweaty rat-tailed mess. I looked like I had either escaped a cult or chosen last minute to join one... 

 

I can't remember much of the 24 hour journey that took me home to Heathrow. I passed out the moment I put my seat belt on in Adelaide! However, when I waited at the interchange at Hong Kong I read my Travel Journal with all the goodbye messages that other comics and performers had written me. It was only then I started to cry. If I could I would have shrunk them all down and carried them in my suitcase, transporting them back to the land of grey weather and daffodils. Instead, I have over 1,000 photos on my iphone and a collectors edition of shells, books, comics, broaches and trinkets that have been passed on to me by the most wonderful collection of artists.

 

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Thus, THANK YOUS

 

So now it comes to summarising everything up. I won't go into writing about each day, in truth, a lot of it I want to keep for the secrecy of my journals. Also, it would probably be more enjoyable for me to write than for you to read...

 

Thus, here it goes, the THANK YOUS.

 

I have never been happier than I was in Adelaide. Each day was brililant. Truly. Despite what Nick Nemeroff will be thinking ;P. Smiling was my favourite thing to do at this festival, and it was spurred on by the following mantras I repeated incessantly to anyone who asked why I was 'so happy' all the time:

 

1) "OH MY GOD WE ARE IN AUSTRALIA. IT IS NOT COLD. GAH!"

2) "DID I NOT TELL YOU THAT WE ARE IN AUSTRALIA??"

3) "This is the youngest we are ever going to be! One day we'll be dead!"

4) " I AM ON SO MUCH CODEINE!"

5) "I tell jokes and do stand-up for a living. AND I AM IN AUSTRALIA! How can I NOT BE HAPPY?"

and finally Barney's inspirational mantra 6) "When I am feeling sad I stop feeling sad and start feeling awesome instead"  

 

All these together effectively meant I behaved like a more mentally stable version of Unikitty from the Lego Movie....

 

But alongside these, my happiness came from the fact I was surrouned by brilliant people, (And the fact I got to stroke a Kangaroo at one point), but mainly it was the people....

 

THE DR BROWN WORKSHOP TEAM!

Everyone on this workshp was a babe. Pure & Simple. Lots and love and kisses to the girls & boys - in particular: FLO BOURKE, HAYMAN KENT and LISA SKYE who I got to grow really close to. Thank you DR BROWN too for being such a good teacher. 

 

THE NAKED CABARET-ERS

Once a Naked Cabarat performe, always a naked cabaret performer. The intimacy you build up with other performers through doing this gig is once-in-a-lifetime and unexplainable. Everyone who took part in this on the 1st of March had a weird and wonderful time, and hanging out with them afterwards and getting to know them all was a pleasure.

 

Love to ALEXUS DUBUS, HANNAH NORRIS, IMAAN HADCHITI, GINN FIZZ, BARNIE DUNCAN, TOMAS FORD, AYDEN DOHERTY, DANNI CABS, KATE MCDOWELL, EVAN DESMARAIS, DAVE BLOUSTEIN, SCARLETT BELLE, RYAN GOOD, ELLIE & WILL.

 

THE BRITISH BABES

These guys prevented all feelings of home-sickness due to their love of phrases such as 'half nine' and 'wanker' and their soft British dulcet tones. 

 

Unconditional love goes to TAMAR BROADBENT - not only one of my dearest friends but most loved performers. Love to the super-duper JENNY COLLIER. Love to the BRILLIANT DAN LEES who not only pushed me around in a wheelchair all day at the zoo but was also a superb dancing partner. What a fab human being. PAUL CURRIE was a man who I got to really bond with at this festival - like a rebellious Lion from a fairytale, hanging out with him on the beach and at Tuxedo Cat was a treat.  HELEN DUFF is one of my favourite performers of all time and her show VANITY BITES BACK blew my mind - a kind and smart woman. Seeing BEN TARGET anywhere just made me smile as he is so insatiably wonderful.  BRYONY KIMMINGS and TIM GRAYBURN made me cry with their amazing show and introduced me to special people at their Monday brunch with amazing pancakes, mini table-tennis tournaments and a lovely beach trip. Love to GORDEN SOUTHERN whose birthday is the main reason I have a broken foot. Just joking. Total babe.

 

Also, although not British, Love to BEC HILL & SARAH BENNETO who made me feel safe, warm, loved and happy.

 

THE TUXEDO CATS & SCOOTER-AIDERS

Possibly the oddest charity event I've ever performed at but Scooter Aid was the perfect topper for an already odd festival. A day of performances at Tuxedo Cat to raise money for a stolen scooter. The Tuxedo Cat was full of really innovative performers and talented creators. When I wasn't at the Producers Bar or eating ice-cream at the Arts Bar, I was here...

 

Love to SHANE ADAMZCAK (my comic-book partner and fighter in crime), GREG FLEET, MICK MORIARTY, DYLAN COLE, PENNY GREENHALGH, BECKY LOU, THE WIZARD SANDWICHES GANG, JON BENNET, RO HUTSON and THE SOUND OF NAZIS TEAM!

 

FINALLY.....

 

THE PRODUCERS GANG!

 

The Producers was my home for the month. Sure, it used to be a brothel, with a penis sink in my room, but OH WHAT A PRETY BROTHEL! And it wouldn't have been so wonderful if it wasn't for all the babes who performed, worked and hung out there...

 

Firstly, the gang who worked behind the bar at The Producers. They were crucial to all the comics mental stability - filling us with Coopers, Champagne, comic book chats, DJ sets, dancing, 'Beyonce-Offs' and fun snogs. All my love to the following: Matt, Lars Jamie, Dasha, Daria, Rachael, Sarah, Amandine and bloody Chris.

 

Secondly, the incredible volunteers and box-office team who made The Producers work as a venue! Lead by Marcel, if it wasn't for them, we wouldn't be here.

Thank you Marcel, Kelly, Brad, Sean, Alex, Claude, Mel...and everyone else!

 

Thirdly, my gorgeous, handsome, weird and lovely Producers pals....

 

You know who you are. I love you terribly. I miss you more. Thank you for being brilliant, giving me cuddles when I needed them, laughing at my jokes, taking the mic out of my cough, telling me off for not using my crutches, letting me flash my boobs at you, let me be a pervert. From rap battles, bear pits, eating Hungry Jacks on my balcony, drinking coffee at The Howling Owl, carrying me on your back when I couldn't walk, chatting about 'love', comic book shopping, writing rhymes together, drinking wine in San Georgios at 3am, dancing at Rhino until closing time - You were a complete bomb of awesomness. Our nights watching Ro Campbell at The Lunatics Beer garden will be treasured in my heart. 

 

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© 2014 by ELF LYONS