Elf's Top Tips! HOW TO MOVE IN WITH A BOYFRIEND
TEN TIPS TO MAKE MOVING IN WITH A BOYFRIEND AS SEAMLESS AS POSSIBLE
It’s a topic I hear all the time discussed amongst my female friends: “How do you do it?” “How do you live with a man?”.
Well. I’ve lived amongst men all my life. I watched my mother live with one. I saw my grandmother live with one. One of my matrons at boarding school was one. And now I currently live with three men all at once - one of them even lives in the kitchen. It's fair to say, I am an expert.
It can be nervewracking making that step - moving from having your own space to letting someone else move in too and have one drawer and one-third of the bed.
Thus, after several years experimenting sharing rooms with men I find attractive, here is my step-by-step guide on how to make living with a man-who-you-have-sex-with as seamless and fun as possible.
FIRST TIP - MAKE HIM COMFORTABLE WITH THE IDEA OF LIVING WITH YOU
When making the transition from his space to your space it is important that you make the environment right for both of you, in order to prevent you either fighting to the death, or one of you eating the other.
Before you officially move in together, invite him into the room for short periods at a time. I recommend 30 minutes to start with.
Allow him to sniff around and explore so he feels comfortable, safe and familiar with your scent. Moving can be stressful for a male and he will naturally assume he is in enemy territory.
Make sure it is nice and warm, and there is drinking water available. Ease him into the change by putting in some of his bedding in the corner, so he has the familiar scent of LYNX Africa to return to.
Add some of his objects into the room, such as a football or a book if he needs to calm down after he has spotted your Johnny Depp mural.
After an hour, add yourself into the room, so he is not too shocked or alarmed by seeing both a female AND a room at the same time.
Start out by by doing this exercise for 30 minutes, then half a day, then increase to a whole day before eventually bringing all of his objects into the room and full immersing him into the space.
If this is too much, put him in a Zorb ball.
If you don’t have one prepared, add a mesh divider to split the room in two. Once he is comfortable, remove the divider and allow him to interact with you.
TIP TWO: MAKE THE ROOM A FUN SPACE FOR LOVE.
Bedrooms are essentially mini tombs for your body to pretend die for a few hours every night - and this is not a healthy space for two functioning adults who should be in love all the time. Thus, it is important that you decorate. This isn’t just YOUR space remember, it’s HIS space too.
Thus: one word: BUNTING.
Nothing says ‘joy’, ‘community’ and ‘working together as a team’ than decorations that bring back memories of village fairs and communal sacrifices. Try and go for a colour that balances between both the genders as well - such as a pastel cloud, rose, or a pale red.
If you do not have Bunting available Fairy Lights turn any blank room into a magical space ready for fun and frolicking. Male humans tend to like sparkly lights as it reminds them of the glimmer of fresh water. It will also remind him of Christmas - and everyone loves christmas and what it stands for - the birth of Christ.
THIRD TIP - MAKE SURE HE IS AWARE THAT HE IS LIVING WITH A WOMAN.
Sometimes men can forget this and if they are not fully aware, this can cause them to be distressed.
In order to make sure he is aware, introduce him to the concept of gender through the medium of arts and crafts. One of my favorites is to make a mobile out of tampons. Dip them in glow-in-the-dark paint and there you have it - not just a piece of art, but a nightlight.
Furthermore MEN LOVE VAGINAS - and you have one. Show that you are okay with both of these things by hanging up a print of Courbet’s L’Origine du Monde , or some Georgia O’Keeffe.
If you are not able to get a copy of either of these prints, when he first moves in, perform for him your own performance of Carolee Schneemann’s Interior Scroll. Tell him to invite his friends too to watch the performance, so he knows that you are totally cool with having other people in the house.
FOURTH TIP: SHOW HIM YOU CARE
Buy him a strap-on. Don’t tell him. Put it in the corner. Just so he knows, that if he wants to, you are ready for it. Refuse to put it away when you have guests over as you insist that you have ‘nothing to hide’
FIFTH TIP: FAMILY IS IMPORTANT
I firmly believe that the perfect place to frame your family photographs is above the headboard of your bed. This will make him realize that you respect family just as much as he does, and that the concept of family is rarely out of your thoughts.
SIXTH TIP: RESPECT HIS THINGS
When you share a room, occasionally your clothes and documents may get mixed up - whether these be socks, credit cards or insurance details. Tackle this when he is at work by surprising him by labeling all his clothes and stamping his books and work documents with a handmade ‘This belongs to...’ stamp. He’ll appreciate the effort. Men love women who respect ownership of things and it will help you both be able to spot if you have put the others’ clothes on.
SEVENTH TIP: SHOW HIM YOU HAVE A LIFE OUTSIDE OF THE RELATIONSHIP
Relationships often fail when the couple get too used to the other and start taking the other for granted. In order to keep him on his toes, shout out another man’s name when you orgasm. This is a subtle way of showing that he is not the only person in your life. He’ll respect the fact you have your own life outside of your relationship.
EIGHTH TIP: SUPPORT HIS SEXUAL URGES
Men love porn and there is nothing wrong with that. Support him in his love of sex by putting porn on all the time. Every time he gets into bed surprise him with some porn. Upload it already on his computer, ipad or on netflix so it’s the first thing he sees when he gets home or when he wakes up in the morning.
NINTH TIP: PRIVACY IS IMPORTANT
You will both need your own space at some point - this is totally understandable.
Erect a tent in the corner of your room for ‘private time’. If he needs private time he can go and sit in the tent and if you need private time you can put him in the tent.
Or, if you don’t have room for a tent, get a sheet and drape it up in the corner - put a chair behind it. That way, whilst you are in bed watching porn, with your strap-on on, he can sit there if he needs 5 minutes to himself before coming back to bed and continuing being in love with you.
Unless, you still have the Zorb ball, in which case, put him in that again.
FINALLY - if he needs to cry, let him. Moving in is a big step in a relationship and we all react to this in different ways.
Good luck lovers!