#8 The Clown Diaries - My favourite things about France so far!


First thing is first, I have concussion. It means I now speak in a similar way to how Tigga would have if he had taken a huge dose of morphine whilst living in the one-hundred-acre-forest.

This has led to me being even worse at French than normal. I attempted to ask for a 'tap water' in a restaurant but instead accidentally asked to "Taste the tap water". This resulted in the waiter bringing the water over in a carafe, pouring me a small glass and then asking me to try to see if it was okay. Very embarassing.

Secondly, I have been going to the gym.

Well, I have been to the gym ONCE. And that was enough. I went with fellow first year Oliver. Oliver is a 27 year old tour guide who rides a skateboard. Imagine Marty McFly but with black leggings, a turtleneck and a cardigan. He talks like Alan Rickman and in class will often state non-sequiters such as "Who doesn't have a crush on their mum?" and "Green Tea is where IT IS AT". We get on well.

The reason I have only been to the gym once is because I am still working out if I belong there. It seems I am the only person, next to Oliver, who wants to do any excercise. The gym appears to be a local hang-out for a group of suited men who all carry Violin cases - who either sit on the rowing machines and whisper or play table football in the corner of the Weights section. Yes, there is Table-Football in the gym. Unlike Oliver who seems to fit in very well in the gym - as he just spends a lot of time in the corner planking, I get a bit shy trying to do my squats in the same room as these guys. In fact, it has made me long for the bright neon lights of my local YMCA gym back in London... and the hoards of huge hench armed men with skinny legs who haunt them....

Thus, with only two weeks to go before I return to the UK I have been reflecting on all the beautiful things I have observed while living in the city of love. Despite the rising popularity of the National Front, living in France does have its eccentric positives, such as:

1) It is A FACT that there is nothing funnier than French Men on Bicycles. If you can't imagine this, imagine Gerard Depardieu on a bicycle. Exactly. I put it down to the number of big baguettes they tend to be packing.

2) Full-moon spectacles are a BIG thing here - mainly on small children and men over the age of 45. Dumbledore in his prime would have loved it.