My spirit animal is the shark.


I feel sorry for sharks. They get a tough rep.

Great-white-shark-jaws.jpg

Why? Firstly: No one likes sharks. Why? Because they are scary. If you haven’t seen a shark before, imagine a big knife with underwater wings. Not only that, but they’ve been blessed with the most aggressive of all RBF (Restful Bitch Faces) meaning that no matter how happy a Shark is, like a Cow, they always look miserable. Unlike the cute charm of the Clownfish or Octopus, Google ‘Sharks’ and you’ll see they are not the most photogenic. Their enigmatic, radiant, streamlined power does not communicate well on Instagram. They are not the Kate Moss’s of the ocean. Instead they just look like open mouthed, teethy, lairy lads on tour. In other words, TERRIFYING.

But there is more to a Shark than meets the eye.

Sharks are the anarchists of the ocean. They are like Bruce Wayne - elusive and misunderstood - yet overseeing and protecting the ocean we have spent so little time really exploring and understanding, (we have only explored 5% of the Oceon). If it wasn’t for sharks, our world would be TOTALLY different. They keep our seas healthy by regulating the ocean and keeping the balance of marine life in check. Basically, they are Batman, all 450 breeds of them ARE Batman. And if we get rid of Sharks, Like Gotham City, the ocean and our world will fall a part.

But despite constantly telling this to EVERYONE, people still don’t like them, because they are not your typical “hot-piece of flubber”, which is frustrating. I am so fed up of how pro-mammal humans are! We are so disinterested and critical of fish and reptiles. Everyone wants to swim with dolphins, why? dolphins are ooohkay, but they are NOT SHARKS. Also, Free Willy.... NOT A WHALE. He is a dolphin THAT. KILLS. WHALES. That is NOT someone you wanna hang out with. THAT is a dolphin with UNRESOLVED ISSUES.

*deep breath*

Did you know that iguanas are one of the only species that can end their own lives? How depressing is that? Perhaps that wouldn’t be the case if we spent more time chatting to iguanas rather than banging on about the bloody panda. Fuck the panda. What is their point? They can’t change colour! Stop giving them so much attention! Maybe if you ignored them they’d bone more.

Anyway, below, to persuade you fully I have listed 5 key reasons why you step back and reassess how you view and judge the shark.

FIRST POINT:

JAWS - wasn’t even made, written or directed by a shark.

How much does Spielberg truly know about Sharks? Does he know that the correct name for all 12 breeds of Carpet shark is WOBBEGONG? Does he? Probably not, because if he did, he probably would have made a film about that instead, BECAUSE THAT IS THE BEST WORD EVER. Say it out loud. How can you be scared of a wobbegong? It sounds like the most gentle euphemism ever. Who doesn’t love a good euphemism. Also, the literal translation of wobbegong is ‘shaggy beard.’ Who doesn’t love a good face-shag?

SECOND POINTt: