The Guinea Pig Diaries: Diary Entry from an Out-of-body comedian at home. Preface: To the three people who read this - I have not written in a while, thus I apologise for the long sentences. This was written on a huge boost of opiods, coffee and St Vincent playing in the background. ******* 12pm - Monday 29th October - Location - Family Kitchen - Pain Level: 7 out of 10. I am covered in dog hairs. I find them in obscure places that they shouldn’t be, between my toes, behind m

It's 23:40pm, I'm listening to 'Back in the Tall Grass' by Future Islands and the zombie foot is still going strong with the 'I'm about to deteriote and drop-off your body' kind-of-look. Very sexy. I'm also wearing Flannel Pyjamas. The type of pyjamas that scream 'CELIBACY'. These pyjamas conflict very nicely with the new array of garments I received from ASOS today - garments which Kim Kardashian and Pamela Anderson would probably high-five me for and also the type of garme